Whenever I share with someone that we are homeschooling, I get all kinds of responses. I’ve received a wide range of reactions ranging from complete shock (“No way! Is this even legal?”) to thumbs ups and supportive pats on the shoulder.
To many, homeschooling is not for the faint of heart. Home educators assume the full responsibility of teaching, educating, raising, AND feeding the children. We are the true full-time workers, contributing 24/7 of our time to solve problems arise in our kids’ lives. Many people become overwhelmed just thinking about the strings attached. Others who embrace the idea often find it difficult to garner support, either financially or emotionally (or both). Some are defeated by self-doubt, fearing that they will fail their children for the rest of their lives. I think everyone has a legit reason why they DO NOT want to homeschool. After all, it does take up a lot of time and dedication and it is not suitable for every family.
We’ll talk about the pros and cons of homeschooling another time. Right now, let me share a little more on why I decided to homeschool.
The Backstory
Homeschooling has never crossed my mind for the first 30+ years of my life–at least not until I was aware of Miss R’s existence. Before that, I have only known one kid from my high school who was homeschooled from K-8. I have read stories in the news about parents unlawfully keeping children home as a protest to the public school system. I found it hard to imagine kids staying at home all day doing school work with their parents. It sounded incredibly boring and isolated. What do they do every day anyway?
My competitive Chinese background didn’t help much either. Any mentioning of homeschooling guaranteed to raise an eyebrow among my people. It was completely opposite to the traditional Confucian values that we have embraced for thousands of years. Just look at these phrases from the ancient Three Character Classic (三字經):
“養不教，父之過。教不嚴，師之惰。子不學，非所宜。幼不學，老何為。”
(To feed without teaching is the father’s fault. To teach without strictness is the teacher’s laziness. If a child does not learn, this is not as it should be. If he does not learn while he is young, what will he be like when he is old?)
You get the idea.
My perspective started to shift, however, when I started working full-time in the education field. Upon working with students and parents, I was shocked to realize how much pressure kids have to endure over the years in their relatively short life. I vowed to myself that I would try my best to keep my child from a rushed childhood:
Skip kindergarten.
Play plenty.
Have fun.
As soon as Miss R was born, I began looking into books on early childhood education. I was absolutely clueless. The first thing that captured my attention was the Montessori method. I loved the idea of fostering independence and resilience through self-directed play and hands-on activities. I bought books and toys that helped to stimulate my baby. Yet very soon I found myself stressing out over how things should be done. Rather than focusing on Miss R, I was too busy trying to recreate the perfect environments advocated by Montessori educators.
Montessori wasn’t the problem. I was. I was too anxious hoping to make things perfect.
The focus should have been on the child rather than the method.
Then COVID-19 hit. Everyone was forced to stay home and continued their education online. Zoom was on the boom. People started sharing about their homeschooling experiences. I was especially intrigued by Sir Ken Robinson’s famous TED talk “Do schools kill creativity?”. It opened up a whole new world for me. I read about Peter Gray, John Holt and unschooling, and everything started to come together: a child-focus, interest-based, individualized education model was what I need.
Why I Homeschool
Homeschooling, or home education, holds different meanings to different people. We all home educate for different reasons. Once in a while, I’d like to remind myself why I chose to homeschool. Yes, I doubt myself a lot and it’s easy to feel defeated when things are not going well. This list is a good reminder to myself:
1. Mental Health
Mental health is my #1 reason why I chose to homeschool.
I used to handle student incidents as part of my previous job. Many involved mental health problems, injuries, self-destructive behaviors, and even suicides. It was hard to pinpoint factors that lead kids to these difficult situations, but there was one thing that I couldn’t help noticing. Even though my students were all adults as defined by age, many lacked a comprehensive understanding of themselves. They did not know themselves very well. They were not confident in making decisions and often mixed up others’ expectations with their own. Many had lost touch with their own emotions, abilities, and preferences. As a result, they became frustrated and anxious with themselves and their surroundings.
I may be generalizing and oversimplifying things here, but I think a great part of these has to do with their schooling experiences. Under a coercive education system, kids have very little room for self-exploration. They don’t have room to experiment and make mistakes. Most of the time they are too busy chasing after good grades and test results. Time is limited and they don’t often have a second chance to try things out. Kids worry a lot about how others see them, and it’s easy for them to blame themselves for failures. Their self-worth is tied to their performances. They make decisions based on how soon they can get pass obstacles–which can be anything from studying super hard to cheating–rather than what they can learn from each experience. Soon they forget what they truly love and no longer know what they are good at. I see lots of anger and sadness piling up in many kids, and I want my child to try things a little differently.
Homeschooling is definitely not a solution to all difficulties in life and does not guarantee kids free from anxieties and depressions. Yet I hope a slower pace of life would allow my child more time to explore, develop her interests, and make deeper connections with people around her. When we homeschool, we slow down. She can take time to follow her heart to identify her likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. Through guided reflections and dialogues, I hope to help her develop a better understanding of self and gain confidence in facing future challenges. She can spend as much time as she can to enjoy the present rather than worrying about the unpredictable future all the time.
2. Relationships and Connections
Building deep, meaningful relationships takes time and patience.
I often find it hard to imagine how parents (especially those who work full-time) and kids do it with so little time and energy left at the end of the day. Homeschooling makes it convenient when I have to spend almost every day with my kid. That definitely doesn’t make it any easier because patience does run out from time to time, but I wouldn’t trade the quality time for anything. I get to observe her growth up close. It makes it easier for me to see the world from her perspective and help guide her through the challenges she is facing. She knows there’s always someone who is willing to listen, support, and take her seriously. She understands she’s being loved and valued, and that she is encouraged to open up with any questions she might have. In return, I am learning to put my adult agenda aside to really get down to her level. Making connections with my own parents have been a challenge in the past due to generational traumas and I can testify that it can affect a child for life. Homeschooling allows me not only to be an observer, but also a facilitator to support Miss R’s growth. Hopefully the time we spend together will be deemed memorable for years to come.
On the other hand, homeschooling also offers plenty of downtime for my child to experiment with different relationships. There’s no recess bell on play dates. We can spend all day talking to a museum staff or street musician if we want to. Many people worry about social skills among homeschool students. I don’t really see this as a problem as long as families are willing to put themselves out in the world. For example, we are attending a unschooling co-op co-founded by me and a friend every week. Miss R get to spend time with kiddos from age 0 to 13. She loves cracking jokes with older kids and adults, and has recently been practicing how to be gentle and kind towards babies and little ones. She is shy by nature and takes a long time to warm up to strangers, yes, but she has no problem communicating with people she is comfortable with. I see homeschooling providing her the time and flexibility to really stretch her social and observation skills. It gives her time to find meanings in each relationship she decides to get involved in, and empowers her to stay away from those she feels unsafe of.
3. Resilience and Independence
Resilience is such an important life skill that is often neglected in traditional classrooms. It’s the way for one to learn how to cope and bounce back from adverse experiences. Kids at school are often left to deal with adversity on their own (failures, bullying, teasing, broken friendships, traumas, mental health issues, etc.), resulting in a type of learned helplessness that are often damaging to self esteem and self image.
Homeschooling–unschooling in particular–supports the development of resilience by allowing kids to make decisions. I am here to create a safe space for my child to explore and make mistakes. Every mistake is an opportunity to grow and learn. We walk through them together, making adjustments and experimenting in between. Little by little, she gains the confidence to move towards her goals independently. She gets better at coping with failures, sometimes even doing it on purpose just to see what happens. She has become a little scientist. Challenges are less scary now and learning becomes really fun.
4. Retaining Creativity and the Love of Learning
Children are naturally curious and creative. According to a famous study conducted by NASA, 98% of 1,600 5-year-old children were tested to be creative geniuses, meaning that they were able to develop new, innovative ideas to problems. The percentage was reduced to 12% by the time they reached age 15, and dropped all the way down to 2% when they reached adulthood! What happened? Some blamed it on the education system for dumbing kids down and called for a reform. With the rise of AI in the coming decades, human creativity and the ability to generate innovative ideas have become incredibly important assets in the future.
I have always enjoyed watching Miss R’s curiosity blossoms. From animals to dinosaurs, Peppa Pig to SpongeBob, space to Frozen, her passion for learning has been quite a journey. We love going down the rabbit hole together to make new discoveries. The experiences inspire her to do so many creative projects: drawing, crafts, storytelling, pretend play, etc.
The list goes on.
Homeschooling allows us to customize Miss R’s learning according to her interests and skill level. Instead of asking her to accommodate to a one-size-fits-all curriculum, the learning process is personalized to fit her needs. Materials are adjusted to her level and learning style to ensure she is able to understand the information. The good balance of challenge and support she receives optimizes her growth and learning (see Nevitt Sanford’s Theory of Challenge and Support, 1966). Nothing can stop her from digging for more knowledge. If she can’t read, she asks for help. If she doesn’t understand something, she asks for an explanation or conducts an experiment. It’s so important to keep this intrinsic motivation going. Old facts are replaced by new findings every day. It’s impossible to know and remember everything. Steve Jobs once said, “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” As long as one remains curious, learning never stops.
5. Decolonizing Education – Diversity Learning and Social Justice
Homeschooling is fun because you get to open up to a wide range of resources instead of following just a selective curriculum. We try our best to include as many multicultural, inclusive materials as we can on a daily basis. I am grateful that most of the public libraries nowadays are filled with inclusive materials that celebrate diversity!
Miss R is recently drawn to the Little Golden Book biographies. She loves learning about personalities of different cultural backgrounds and professions. We learn so much as we discuss the mistreatment of people throughout history together. She always comes up with excellent questions in finding out why and how discrimination and prosecution happen. Homeschooling gives us time to think and discuss these matters in depth.
Aside from books, we also meet people regularly and raise interesting questions ranging from race and gender roles to customs and beliefs. I often think of the book Parenting for a Peaceful World by Robin Grille when I reflect on this journey. By adding diversity in our learning, we learn to appreciate and celebrate differences as ingredients of a mixed, colorful world. We make peace by asking questions and gaining understanding. Rather than attacking and talking down on one another, we learn to embrace different voices and make sure all are seen and heard. That’s the foundation of a peaceful world. It starts from within ourselves and expands to those around us. One is a small number, but all things start with one. The power of One starts with ourselves. By taking action, we can start making changes to the world one step at a time.
6. Flexibility
The next best thing for homeschoolers is flexibility.
YES! What’s better than having the whole park/library/museum to our own? When other kids are at school, we go explore all the amazing facilities in town. There are no lines, no crowds, and people are often happy to greet us. In California, people are quite friendly to homeschoolers. Many are curious about what we are up to and how we execute our learning. Homeschooling also gives way to off-season traveling. We don’t have to suffer traffic congestion and expensive holiday prices. We can go on a camping trip whenever we want. There are always plenty of resources available, waiting to be discovered.
In terms of our daily learning, the flexibility in homeschooling gives us space and time to figure out a learning style that suits us the most. We don’t need to be stuck with one curriculum. Sometimes, we can even build our own unit studies to focus on specific topics. All learning is personalized and can be customized to accommodate each individual. If Miss R needs more time to grasp a concept, we can spend more time practicing and talking about it. On the other hand, if she has already mastered a topic, we can skip ahead and move on to more challenging subjects. Everything can be adjusted to fit her needs and goals. We like that a lot.
A Final Note on Homeschooling…
The reasons listed above are just my two cents on why we decided to homeschool. Everyone has different reasons why they do so. As mentioned earlier, homeschooling is not for everyone. If you are interested, you should definitely reflect and make your own list:
Think about why you want to homeschool.
What are your triggers?
What do you want to achieve?
What are some of the challenges you foresee?
How much support do you have?
Brainstorm on these ideas will give you a clearer picture on what you are thinking of and help support yourself when someone question your decision.
I hope this sharing echoes some of yours. Feel free to drop a comment below and share with me why you homeschool. I’d love to learn more!
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If you are ever interested to actually hear me speak and talk about my thoughts on homeschooling, here’s my first and only online interview done on The Devon Taylor Podcast. Great thanks to Devon and his partner Jean Carlo for even inviting me. I was beyond surprise!