I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard this question.
It’s the first thing people ask when they find out we homeschool:
“But what about socialization?”
Sometimes it’s asked with genuine curiosity.
Sometimes with concern.
Occasionally with disapproval disguised as casual conversation.
But almost always, it comes from a place of assumption.
The assumption that children need a traditional school environment to learn how to be social.
The assumption that more time with peers equals better social skills.
The assumption that the alternative—learning outside the mainstream—must be isolating.
And so, we parents who homeschool are expected to answer for a thousand imagined deficits.
Even when we know deeply that our children are already social beings.
The Misunderstanding Behind the Question
When people ask, “What about socialization?” they’re often picturing school as the only valid social landscape: 30 kids the same age, sitting in rows, learning to raise their hands, take turns, and play together at recess.
What a beautiful image, and how perfect it must have been! Yes, there are arguments, bullying, and conflicts, but kids must learn through the hard ways to become successful in dealing life’s hardship… right?
Socialization is not obedience training. It’s not learning to conform or blend in. Real social growth happens through meaningful relationships, through struggle and repair, through co-creating experiences with people of all ages.
And honestly, if I walked into a school today, sat quietly at the back of a noisy cafeteria, and saw a child eating lunch alone while others huddled in cliques—I’m not sure I’d call that ideal socialization, either.
A Different Way
Miss R, for example, is six. She homeschools and attends weekly co-op, playdates, and enrichment programs. She has friends she sees regularly, many of whom she plays with in creative, thoughtful, and deeply imaginative ways. She learns to navigate group dynamics, handle interruptions, repair hurt feelings, and share ideas. Through in-depth interactions, she has built meaningful friendships across ages (she even has some adult friends whom she enjoys talking to in length!).
And still, she’s not always eager to talk to strangers.
She doesn’t light up when distant relatives approach.
She may curl into me when unfamiliar adults speak to her.
Some days she waves instead of speaks.
Some days she hides.
This isn’t because she doesn’t know how to socialize.
It’s because she’s a whole person with boundaries, preferences, and a temperament of her own. She is taking time to manage her anxieties and make adjustments accordingly. She is being observant.
Some children warm slowly. Some need time. Some feel deeply.
That isn’t a flaw in their upbringing—it’s part of who they are.
Socialization Isn’t a Checklist
We don’t ask adults to treat everyone the same way.
We don’t penalize introverts for needing quiet time.
We don’t expect every adult to feel comfortable at large gatherings.
Yet when children show hesitation, caution, or shyness, it’s often labeled as a problem to fix—especially if they don’t attend school.
But what if these behaviors are just developmentally appropriate responses to overwhelming environments or unfamiliar people?
What if we stopped seeing every hesitation as a sign of a lack—and started seeing it as part of their unfolding?
Socialization in Homeschooling: A Real Look
In our world, socialization looks like:
- Helping a younger friend build a cardboard structure at co-op.
- Standing up for herself when another child grabs her toy.
- Listening closely to a teacher’s directions and asking thoughtful questions.
- Calling a friend just to tell a joke they made up.
- Sitting quietly beside someone, drawing together in comfortable silence.
- Learning to walk away when she needs space.
- Learning to stay when a friend needs her.
That’s socialization, too.
What I Wish People Would Ask Instead
Instead of asking “What about socialization?”, I wish more people would ask:
“What kinds of relationships does your child have?”
“What helps her feel safe and connected?”
“How does she show care, curiosity, or conflict?”
Because socialization isn’t a place you send a child to.
It’s a life they live, one relationship at a time.
And in our home, we’re building that life—slowly, intentionally, respectfully.
Not because we need to prove anything, but because this is the kind of childhood we believe in.